When we were growing up, none of us thought, “Gosh. I hope someday I’m a CFO-slash-healthcare-liaison-slash-emergency-contact for my parents.”
Unfortunately, a lot of us find ourselves in that situation.
We know that most of the caregiving duties fall on women (approximately two-thirds (65%) of all unpaid caregiving in the U.S., dedicating nearly 296 hours annually), but what if you’re also the financial “caregiver” – in other words, you’re your parents’ financial back-up plan.
Family caregivers spend roughly 26% of their income, or about $7,242 a year, on things like food, transportation, medical supplies, and home modifications. Add to that the potential long-term impact on your career – lost promotions, reduced hours, or stepping away from work entirely – and women caregivers can face nearly $295,000 in lost lifetime earnings.
So, how do you prepare for a role you never officially applied for without sacrificing your own future?
Open the Books
Get clear on your parents’ financial situation. Even if they’re still relatively independent, now is the time to ask about long-term care insurance, updated estate planning documents, and how their bills get paid each month. This isn’t about being pushy, it’s about being prepared. A gentle approach like, “My financial planner mentioned how important it is to have this stuff squared away – can we go through it together?” can ease defensiveness and open the door to practical planning.
Budget for the Maybe
Even if you’re not covering expenses now, costs can sneak up on you. It might start with running errands or picking up a few groceries, but small support often grows into regular expenses or coordinating care. Build some cushion into your emergency fund, and research benefits they might qualify for, such as VA aid, Medicaid waivers, or state programs for in-home care.
Avoid the “Hero Trap”
You don’t have to do this alone, even if you feel like the go-to person. If you have siblings, divide responsibilities even if you’re the only one nearby. Create shared spreadsheets for expenses, use apps to coordinate appointments, and have regular check-ins to keep communication clear. Burnout doesn’t help anyone, and guilt isn’t a sustainable financial strategy.
Talk to a Financial Planner
Talk to a financial planner who understands the sandwich generation. You’re trying to balance your retirement goals, possibly support a child (or two) who’s launching slowly, and now you’re managing elder care. That’s a lot. A planner can help you prioritize, find smart tax strategies, and protect your long-term goals while supporting your loved ones.
Caregiving is an emotional rollercoaster – love, grief, guilt, anxiety, frustration – sometimes all in one afternoon. You don’t need to muscle through it alone. Whether it’s therapy, a caregiver support group, or a group chat with your best friends, lean into your support system. You may be the one holding it all together, but you don’t have to do it in silence.
And remember that being the back-up plan doesn’t mean you have to burn out or go broke. It means being thoughtful, setting boundaries, and planning for the road ahead with clarity instead of chaos. If you’re ready to make a plan that supports both them and you, let’s talk. Helping women manage life’s transitions – financially and emotionally – is what I love to do.
