Before I got married in my mid-40s, I spent my adulthood as a proud single woman. I enjoyed my freedom and my independence, my robust social life, and my peace at home. But one thing I didn’t enjoy? Living as a single woman in a world built for couples.
It’s pretty ridiculous when you think about it. After all, in 2022, it was reported that 49% of adults in the U.S. were unmarried – 132 million people. So, you’d think that single people wouldn’t be treated as an anomaly when they travel solo, attend weddings on their own, or socialize in general.
But here we are, constantly being asked, “Who are you here with?”
Now, I fully believe that the benefits of being single far outweigh the negatives for many women. So, before we tackle being single in a world built for two, let’s talk about a few of them.
First of all, in a paper published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, women reported being happier than men in their single lives. “They were happier with their current romantic relationship status. They were less likely to want a romantic partner. They were more sexually satisfied. And they were more satisfied with their life in general.”
And in an MSNBC article, Pattie Ehsaei details why she loves being single in her 50s:
- In your 50s, you’re more self-assured and confident than ever before.
- You have the ability to develop deeper friendships.
- You have the freedom to change course.
- Ultimately, the greatest gift of being single in your 50s is the deep, unwavering love you will cultivate for yourself.
So why, if it’s so great, do single women sometimes feel defensive about their single status and have to occasionally pay more when they go on vacation?
The “Default” Narrative Is Still Marriage
From fairy tales to family gatherings, women are taught that the ideal life arc includes finding a partner. If you’re not married by a certain age, you’re seen as “off-script”—and society doesn’t know what to do with that. So it asks questions. Passive-aggressive ones like:
- “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone.”
- “Why are you still single?”
- “Aren’t you afraid of being alone?”
Independence Is Still (Quietly) Threatening
An autonomous woman – financially, emotionally, and socially – is powerful. And sometimes power makes people uncomfortable. Independence challenges old gender roles. It shifts control. It says, “I don’t need anyone to validate my choices.” That’s brave. And sometimes, that bravery triggers projection in others, especially those who’ve always followed the rules.
Cultural Messaging Still Glorifies Coupledom
Media, movies, holidays, travel packages – even tax structures – are overwhelmingly designed around couples, sending a subtle but persistent message that being single is somehow “less than.” Valentine’s Day, for example, often turns into a pity party if you’re not partnered, with marketing focused entirely on romantic love. Travel ads usually feature couples sipping wine on balconies, but rarely show a solo woman confidently hiking a volcano or enjoying espresso in Rome. Even something as practical as home-buying advice often assumes you’re doing it with a spouse, not as an independent woman making powerful financial decisions on her own.
Now, let’s talk about thriving as a single woman and creating a new narrative.
Negotiate Your Travel Like a Badass
Look for “No Single Supplement” Packages Up Front
Some brands are getting wise to the fact that solo travelers are a market, not a mistake. Search for those magical four words when booking: “no single supplement required.” You’ll often find them on group tours, wellness retreats, or off-season packages.
Don’t Be Afraid to Haggle (Yes, You Can)
Hotels, excursions, and even car rentals sometimes have hidden wiggle room. Especially if you’re booking direct or during a slower season, don’t be afraid to say, “Since it’s just me, do you have any solo traveler discounts or perks available?” You’d be surprised how often they throw in an upgrade, breakfast, or welcome drink just for asking.
Book Last Minute (If You’re Flexible)
Many tours and hotels slash prices for unsold inventory, especially when they realize nobody else is going to split that room cost. You, dear solo traveler, are their golden opportunity.
Anticipate the Awkward and Have a Script
Someone will ask, “Who are you bringing?” or “Still single?” Be ready.
- “Yep, still single. Turns out my standards didn’t lower themselves while you were talking.”
- “I’m dating my peace. We’re in a very committed, drama-free relationship.”
- “Just me. I like to keep the mystery alive.”
- “Yep—just me. I’ve heard I’m excellent company.”
Design a Life That Doesn’t Rely on a Backup
Your lifestyle, finances, and emotional support system should work just fine without a romantic co-star. That means having a retirement plan that’s built around your goals, not waiting for a spouse’s 401(k) to ride in like a knight in index-fund armor. It means creating an emergency contact list that includes people who actually show up (looking at you, group text ride-or-dies), not some imaginary plus-one. And yes, even long-term care should be something you’ve thought about because the whole “I’ll just move in with my future adult kids” plan is not really a plan. Build a life so solid, it doesn’t need a safety net – you are the net.
Ditch the “Someday” Talk
Stop saying “someday” I’ll do this when I have a partner. That mindset delays everything: retirement planning, bucket list trips, even medical decisions.
- If you want to go to Italy, go.
- If you want to buy property, do it.
- If you want to switch careers, no one’s stopping you.
I truly believe that future generations are going to make singledom more normal than ever. Until that happens, don’t let a world built for couples slow you down. Take the trip, make yourself the priority, and gloat (inwardly) about how you can do what you want when you want to do it.
